28 February, 1994

The Editor,
Dorset Evening Echo
57, St Thomas Street

Dear Sir,

After reading your article `Chip, chip, Hooray` in the Echo of February 28th I thought I would write and argue against your seemingly concrete assertion that there are no records existent of fish and chip shops in the Andes 7,000 years ago.

In my younger days I explored the most exotic areas of this extraordinary planet of ours and one day found myself in the silent city of Sacsayhuaman, Bolivia. After pootling around, slipping postcards between the giant stones that make up this fascinating place, I must have touched a hidden latch and a small square stone slid out of the wall and a secret compartment was there revealed. Within the compartment four stone tablets lay, covered in cobwebs and dust. Being fluent in seven known languages and six unknown ones I set out to decipher the script on these strange tablets.

After many months of solid toil I discovered that two of the tablets were monthly receipts from a Lake Titicaca Fish Merchant, one for two hundredweight of potatoes, and the forth a recipe for a thick batter coating composed of lama fat. I still have glass photographic plates taken at the time of this momentous discovery to support my claim.

Talking of the beloved root, did you know that the 25th of February 1922 was the birthdate of Donald Mclean, owner of the world`s largest private collection of potatoes?

As to the headline `Body kept in deep freeze` on your front page of the same date, I know how easy it is to place a human body in a refrigerator and forget it. Who hasn`t had the problem of the odd corpse and how to get rid of it. I know I have...

Yours, as always,

GENERAL P.M. HAMPTON Esq. (Rtd.) etc, etc.


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